Southern culture is my favorite subject to study, read about, observe, be a part of and write about. That should cover everything. I have been very fortunate in my life in many ways. One of those good fortunes is that during my twenty years as a salesman I was able to travel over most of our great country. Traveling gave me opportunity to observe the culture in other parts of the country. As great and wonderful as the other parts of our nation is, give me the South.
My sales job carried me from the Atlantic to the Pacific. I’ve been all over the United States and parts of California. I met a lot of great people, some of them were Yankees. Yep, I admit it. I have met a few Yankees that I liked, but they have no last names. I don’t know why they don’t have last names, and that’s very sad to me. I have been on flights, sales meeting, and other events where a Yankee would introduce himself simply as, Bob or Bill. “Hi, I’m Bob”. Okay, so you’re Bob! I didn’t really say that....just thought it. “Nice to meet you Bob, I’m Ralph Gordon.” Bob would sort of look at me as if he were thinking, “Who is Ralph Gordon”? I guess it was because I told him my last name that maybe he thought I was supposed to be somebody famous or something. No, sorry, just plain ole Ralph Gordon. Maybe he was thinking about Johnny Cash. Remember him? “Hello, I’m Johnny Cash.” Mr. Johnny was about as Down South as a body could be.
All Southern folks have last names, and we are proud of them. Your last name is your heritage, it’s who and what you are. Last names distinguish the Bobs from the other Bobs and the Bills from the other Bills. In some cases, it separates the bills from the Bills and the Bobs. Our last names are how we know who we’re kin to, and how we’re kin to them. Some of us with the same last name who can’t find any kinship lineage, claim some kin anyway. It would be impolite not to, and impoliteness is not a Southern thang.
Imagine this. “ Hello I’m Ralph Gordon”.
“Oh, are you kin to the Choctaw County Gordon’s?”
“Oh no, I’m a Newton County Gordon, of the Greenland set.”
Now it doesn’t get any more impolite than that. It would be downright disrespectful to say such a thing. To deny kinship in this part of the planet is about as rude and grabbing the last piece of chicken from the plate on Sunday when the preacher is eating dinner with us.
That’s just not the way we do things here in the South. (There are a couple of exceptions, but that’s another story for another day.) Instead of saying that I wasn’t kin to the Choctaw County Gordon’s, I would respond with, “I’m not sure just how much kin we are, but I know their ancestors are from Scotland too. Doesn’t that sound better? That also gives you a safe out just in case you do want to deny kin. Say you later found out they had kin that fought for the North in the War Between the States. But just for the record, in the case of my Choctaw County cousins I proudly claim a common Scottish heritage.
I have one theory why Yankees don’t have last names. It could be that they really do have last names, and just don’t want anyone to know them. Hmm....I can think a few names I wouldn’t want to admit to a Southerner. Not to mention any actual names, but does a certain march to the sea ring a bell? The sad part of all this is, Southern young’uns are beginning to pick up a few Yankee habits. Just the other day I heard a kid who I know has deep Southern roots use the term, you guys, instead of y’all. That disturbed me. Maybe it’s because I come from the old school, not just the one located on the red clay between Dennis Harrison cornfield and JR Chaney’s Grocery, but the old school of Southern Culture. The one where we say sir and ma’am to our elders. We address them as Mr. or Ms. and then their first name, as in Mr. Bill or Ms. Bobbie. Ironically only the first name is used in that situation. You just have to be Southern born and Southern bred to understand it all.
Ralph Gordon is a Past President Mississippi Writers Guild and a recipient of the William Faulkner Literary Award.You may contact Ralph Gordon at rgordon512@hotmail.com.
