“I want peace, just not yet…”
If you’re living, you’ve experienced conflict at some point in your life. It’s likely that somewhere in your history you have “crossed wires” with someone. In many circumstances, a solution is achievable as people determine that they don’t want to remain hurt by the conflict.
It can happen anywhere and to anyone. Consider all of the circumstances in which conflict occurs, with strangers, neighbors, friends, employers, employees, at church, and even (especially) in families. Who hasn’t experienced it?
Why do we experience problems in our relationships with others? There are as many reasons as there are people in the world. How do some people come to terms with the conflict so easily and others struggle with moving forward?
One of the relationship conflicts that is most difficult to resolve is within families. Gratefully, some people seem to have a habit of easily letting go and mending hurts. For a variety of reasons, sometimes it is extremely difficult and the sources of a great deal of pain, heartache, sleepless nights, graying hair, and wrinkled brows.
A story is told of a little girl who was staring intently at her mother’s hair. The mother asked the daughter, “What are you looking at darlin’?” The sweet little girl responded, “Momma, why do you have white hairs on your head?” The mother said, “Well, every time you do something that makes mommy sad, I get another white hair.” This thought baffled the little girl as she pondered what this meant about her little world. Finally, she reacted, “Momma, is that why grandma’s hair is all white?”
Having worked with people across the lifespan as a social worker and therapist, I have found it very interesting what people hold onto. There was once a man in the sunset of his life who was filled with anger. When asked if he was at peace about where he was in life, he responded that he was not and that even in his 80s he was filled with hate for someone who had harmed him in his younger years… How sad for him that he bore the bitterness of the hurt for so long…
One of the most desired feelings in this life is to achieve a sense of peace. How do we get there?
What are we to do with conflict in our lives? The answers aren’t always easy. Here are a few things to ponder:
1. Remember that people that are a part of the conflict are people too (they put their shoes on one at time)
2. Many times people make mistakes and there are unintended hurts
3. Holding onto the conflict harms the holder and prevents peace
4. Waiting until the other person apologizes prevents your healing,
5. Just because you can remember the hurt doesn’t mean it’s still there or that you haven’t forgiven the other person.
6. If you’re not ready yet, letting your heart be willing is a good first step.
Corrie Ten Boom was a Christian born in the Netherlands who, along with her family, helped Jews escape Nazi Germany. Of forgiveness, she wrote, “Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hatred. It is a power that breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness.”
Remember, “The past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited, or erased. It can only be accepted” (attributed to multiple authors). Is there anything you’re holding onto? Let’s move forward!
If you are a senior adult struggling with anxiety, depression or grief and/or are struggling with coping with daily living, Senior Care can offer help and hope. Contact us at 601-703-4917 for more information or visit www.rush- healthsystems.org/seniorcare.
