My original plan was to write my weekly column about the fetal heartbeat bill passed signed into law by Gov. Phil Bryant last week, but recent events compelled me to change track. If anyone hasn’t heard, in the past week two survivors of the Parkland shooting took their own lives.
Suicide isn’t a topic I enjoy writing about; it is neither easy or enjoyable to discuss. In fact, journalism thinktanks, such as Poynter and Dart Center, caution against broaching the subject as the mere mention of suicide can create a ripple effect of more deaths. However, our nation has a problem. The CDC reports rates of those taking their own lives have increased 33 percent since turn of the century, and I can’t in good conscious stay silent.
As a nation, we need to reevaluate the way we deal with mental illness, trauma and depression. When someone is suffering, we default to cliched advise like, “talk to someone,” or “it will get better.” However, we ignore the fact that those in dire need of help are often unable to vocalize their pain.
We need to understand the bitter depth of despair that leads people to take their own lives is so deep, so overwhelming, so exhausting it’s as if the Marianas Trench, a 5-mile deep chasm and deepest place on earth, is a child’s wading pool. It is so far down light cannot penetrate. Past, present and the hope of a better future flash by like phantoms, taunting the victim as all their energy, all their strength goes to staving off the infinite blackness that threatens to swallow them.
It is a place beyond the limits of empathy and where sympathy is just poorly masked condescension; a place beyond the comprehension of the human mind, where the soul is torn and the psyche shattered; a level of hell Satan himself wouldn’t dare to visit.
We say, “it will get better,” but they cannot see it. We say, “talk to someone,” but they know repurposing an ounce of energy to reach out will weaken their already exhausted attempts to keep the darkness at bay. Tired beyond anything imaginable and very much alone, we give them a verbal pat on the back and leave them as they use what is surely their last vestiges of strength to hold on for just one more second.
Yet, it is possible to escape, to push back the thoughts of alienation and despair allowing a sliver of light to come in. It is a long, grueling journey, but the clouds can be rolled back and the warmth of the sun felt again.
So how can we help? Obviously getting the person to a licensed mental health professional is the best solution. I am extremely anti-medication, but even I adamantly believe medical help is sometimes the way to go.
If that’s not possible, just be there. In my own experiences, the non-judgmental, silent presence of another human being was somehow able to penetrate the veil in a way I could not, and the realization I was not alone, not abandoned to my fate, gave me strength.
If even that is lacking, I encourage anyone considering self-harm to call the National Suicide Hotline, 1-800-273-8255. I can understand a bit of skepticism that a hotline will do any good, but having called myself, I will testify to its efficacy.
There are not many people in the United States whose lives have not been touched by mental illness or a traumatic event. Most of us know or have known someone who has attempted suicide or even succeeded. Yet, despite its prevalence, we continue to talk about suicide as if it is the victim’s fault, calling it a “selfish act” and placing blame to absolve ourselves.
At the risk of proselyting, I believe it is past time to have a serious conversation about the way we talk about, handle and treat mental illness and trauma in America. Let’s create a culture where those suffering feel comfortable reaching out, where care is easily accessible, and treatment is affordable. And above all, let’s be there for each other, not judging or giving advice; just being there, giving comfort in knowing we are not alone and hope that against the odds, the sun can shine once more.
Thomas is the managing editor of the Newton County Appeal. He can be reached at thoward@newtoncountyappeal.com
